Broken Relationship? Get Over It! (2)

• Get busy!

Do not make a mistake idling away your free time. This is the time to engage your mind creatively as much as possible. Conventional wisdom holds that the best way to overcome an addiction is to replace it with another one (a positive one). It is time you rediscovered that one thing you have always been passionate about and pursue it with all your energy. Surround yourself with as many positive and like minded people as you can as this will keep you from sinking into further depression.

·         Get some fresh air

Do yourself some favour; do not take yourself out of circulation. Make new friends. Reconnect with old ones. Remember, life is a web of relationships. You will not go very far by isolating yourself from the rest of the world. Do not be ashamed to come out with your new status, no matter how ridiculous it may seem at first. The truth is life will always go on, no matter what happens.

·         Maintain a positive attitude

Find a reason to be thankful despite everything you have been through. Whatever does not kill you will only make you stronger. Now you can see things from a broader perspective because of your experience. Again, make sure that you do not harbour any iota of hate or regret in your heart because, while the hurt may have dealt you a big blow, the hate can do more as it fills you with thirst for revenge which can ultimately result in self destruction. Find a reason to happy with yourself. Set goals and congratulate yourself when you achieve them.

·         Give yourself a second chance

Everybody deserves one, and you are not an exception. There will always be a next time whether you believe it or not. Look on the bright side of life. Learn to love yourself unconditionally, and this means accepting yourself with all your faults and shortcomings. Loving yourself first puts you in a better position as it boosts your confidence and self esteem. It is easier to have a healthy relationship with someone who believes in his/herself than someone who looks to others to help them boost their confidence.

Bear in mind that building a relationship with someone takes a gradual process. Do not attempt to rush things. On the other hand, do not allow yourself to be rushed into anything you are not ready for. Get to know the person well enough before you make any form of commitment. Take your time: think, research, and pray hard about it if you have to.

Finally, you might want to give yourself some time off before you go into another relationship. People take time to heal and you cannot rush the process. If you go into another one too early, you might find yourself taking out your frustrations on your new partner, and this could be detrimental to your new relationship.

Cheers.

Broken Relationship? Get Over It! (1)

You’ve been through it and you’re hurting like hell. You did everything you could and yet, it did not end well.  Going through a breakup can awful. The truth is more people than you know have been through it. Yes, it hurts but you’ve got to let it all go and move on as if nothing ever happened because you would do yourself more harm than good if you carry leftovers from your previous relationship into the next one. Here are useful suggestions to help you get over that hurt.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

• Stop brooding over what went wrong

While it may be productive for you to reflect with the purpose of identifying what you or the other person did wrong, preoccupying yourself with the thought of what you lost can do more emotional damage than you can imagine. It will keep you wallowing in a past you’d rather forget and prevent you from moving into a future you’d rather have. Why should you cry over spilt milk? What’s done is done and there is nothing you can do to change it. Identify and learn from the mistakes you made and move forward. Work consciously on those areas of your personality that needs improvement.

• Let go of the past

Whether you choose to accept it or not, the past is what it is: – THE PAST. There is nothing you can say or do to bring it back. The best gift you can give yourself is to let it all go.

The first step to letting go is to forgive yourself and your ex. If you claim to have forgiven the other person while you still secretly hold yourself responsible for what went wrong, you have a long way to go. Forgiveness is a double edged sword. When you completely forgive someone, you absolve them of all the responsibility for the hurt they have caused you and you also let go of your pain. Forgiveness is not complete until you choose not to hurt anymore. You have to make a conscious effort towards it. It is at this point that you can say with assurance that you are free from your past.

Secondly, talking about your failed relationship with people of like minds who can offer you sound advices helps. You are not alone in your experience. There are a thousand and one people out there that have, and are still going through the same thing. Sharing your pain will lighten your burden and make you see things from a brighter perspective. Apart from the therapeutic effect that talking about it brings, they can also offer you insights on how to handle things better next time from their own personal experiences.

• Give yourself a facelift

While this suggestion might sound a little vain, it will go a long way to boost your self confidence and esteem. It will also increase your chances of hooking up faster.

Change your wardrobe. Buy yourself a new lipstick or a new pair of shoes. Change your perfume. Get a new haircut, change your hairstyle. This tends to reinforce in your subconscious that thing are different, that you are over it. It also tells everyone that cares to look that you have moved on.

• Concentrate on the future

The future holds greater things for you. You cannot afford to let one awful experience haunt you for the rest of your life. This might be a good time to revisit you personal mission statement and make the necessary adjustments. Set new goals for yourself. Polish up the old ones; make sure that they are in line with the times. Devote your focus and energy to the things that matter in your life – your professional development, academics, spiritual growth, and social network.

9 Essential Tips for Effective Communication

We all communicate, whether at home, work, school or play. In fact, the art of communication is the first thing a child learns as soon as he is born.

 In its simplest form, it has been described as the process of giving and receiving information. While this is true, most of the time, some of the information being given may be lost in transmission because of interruptions and other distractions that interfere with the communication process. These tips will help you to improve on your communication regardless of what end of the conversation you are on.

v  Speak Clearly and Concisely.

As much as possible, be clear and concise when you speak so that your listeners wouldn’t have a hard time trying to figure out what you are trying to say. Pay particular attention to your diction and pronunciation. If you have a problem with some particular words, you might want to practice them over and over again when you are alone so that it does not get in the way of your communication. Another helpful tip is to engage the service of a speech therapist.

v  Keep them short and simple.

Too many words tend to drown the real message and would most likely leave the hearer more confused. Refrain from the use of ambiguous words and phrases. Stick to simple, easy to understand words.

v  Maintain eye contact.

When you speak or listen to someone with your eyes focused elsewhere most of the time, there are chances they might think that you:

1.      Lack self confidence.

2.      Are not comfortable speaking to, or listening to them and cannot wait to take your leave.

3.      Do not believe what they are saying.

4.      Are not telling the truth.

5.      Are trying to hide something

Any of these would have a negative impact on your communication and could distort the information you’re trying to pass across.

On the other hand, when you make eye contact, you project confidence not only in yourself but also in your message. Establishing and maintaining eye contact with the other person gives the impression of attentiveness and sincerity. It shows the other person that you are paying attention to what they are saying. It also tells your listeners that you are being sincere with the information you are communicating.

v  Lean forward and show interest.

There is nothing more distracting than a body language that screams “I am not interested in you or what you have to say!”. Regardless of what end of the conversation you’re on, this is the message you’ll be passing across if you are engaged in a conversation with your body turned away or relaxed. An upright body posture (whether you are standing or sitting) that leans forward shows keen interest and tells whoever is watching you that you are in sync with them.

v  Do not finish other’s sentences for them.

Trying to complete other’s sentences in conversation shows impatience and could be a rude gesture. Even if you know how they are going to end the sentence, its best to wait until they are done. Besides, how do you even know that you know what they are going to say, since you are not inside their head? Show respect for the other person’s presence and point of view by letting them speak for themselves. Afterall, communication is a two way thing, isn’t it?

v  Listen to the other person without interruption.

This helps to facilitate a free flow of expression between both parties. It is also a tacit way of showing respect for the other person’s opinion. If you find it a little difficult to refrain from interrupting while someone is speaking, try to write down points that you might want to raise as soon as the other person is done speaking. Writing down your thoughts and opinions about what is being discussed will:

1.      Give you the opportunity to reconsider what you are about to bring up. You might realize that it is not after all relevant in the big picture.

2.      Give you the opportunity to arrange your thoughts for orderly presentation.

3.      Help you to take control of any negative emotion that may interfere with your flow.

v  Mirror the other person’s body language

This is a useful tip when you are at the listening end of the conversation. Adopting the speaker’s body language is a tacit way of expressing empathy for the speaker’s point of view.  It gives the impression that you are in tune with the flow of the conversation. In one-on-one conversations, you might want to:

1.      Stand if the other person is standing. This will help your self confidence and erase the appearance of pride and/or insecurity in both parties. Standing face to face with the other person in conversation gives the appearance that you are relating with them on the same level.

2.      Take a seat if the other person is sitting. It has the same psychological effect of making you feel like you are on the same level with the other person.

3.      Watch out for other non verbal cues like facial expressions, relaxed or tensed postures and voice pitch.

v  Do not engage in other activities.

Multitasking during a conversation tells the other party that you do not attach much importance to their person and/or what they have to say, and this could have a negative impact on your communication. You might also miss out on important details in your conversation if you are not giving it 100% of your attention. If you are busy with a major task, you may postpone the conversation until another time when you will be able to give it your undivided attention.

v  Be careful not to send toxic signals.

Be careful of gestures like

1.      Glancing at your watch/ wall clock: I really don not have the time to listen to you.

2.      Tapping your foot/fingers: I am getting bored/ impatient/can’t wait to get this over with.

3.       Answering calls/sending sms: You are not so important; I have other things to do.

4.      Shifty eyes: I am not comfortable around you!

In the course of your daily activities, you cannot avoid some conversations that will make you a little uncomfortable. However, the key to getting through such awkward moments is outright sincerity and openness. When you have nothing hide, you do not have to worry about sending out the wrong signals. You also have to bear in mind that in dealing with negative situations, you might have to employ some tact and diplomacy or go for outright confrontation, depending on the peculiarity of the situation you are dealing with.

Before You Make that Presentation!

Proper delivery of content is essential in public speaking. No matter how solid the content of your presentation is, it will be a total waste if your presentation skills need polishing.

Here are some essential tips for public speaking.

•  Practice, practice and practice

Practice makes perfect. You may try to rehearse your speech for a friend, a family member or even in front of a mirror several times before your actual presentation. If you are rehearsing with someone, ask them to watch out for any lapse in your speech, posture, mannerisms and even your facial expression. You may have to repeat your speech several times so that after each practice, you would have the opportunity to work on the areas where lapses have been identified. If you are assessing yourself, you could use a mirror to monitor your posture, gestures, movements and facial expression. You could also use a video recorder to record your speech so that you could go over it later. This will give you the opportunity to watch and listen to yourself speak so you can identify areas you need to improve on.

• Choose appropriate outfits

Your appearance matters as much as what you are going to say. Since you are going to be the focus of attention, you should not be seen in anything that is not appropriate. Wear clothes and accessories that match the occasion of your presentation. Also make sure that your clothes and accessories are of the correct sizes, and are comfortable to move around in. Usually, it is advisable to wear something you have worn at least, once before, and are sure of being confident in. Wearing brand new clothing or shoes for a public presentation could be a total recipe for disaster because you do not yet know how comfortable they will be on you, more so, as clothing often affects one's confidence, especially when standing in front of an audience.

For Ladies:

Your shoes should not be too high or too low. Excessively high heeled shoes attract undue attention and will distract your audience. Flat shoes on the other hand do not give a smart appearance. It is best therefore to choose something between the ranges of 2 to 4 inches, depending on how well you can carry them. Be careful not to wear clothes that are too tight or revealing. Jewelleries and other accessories should be limited to basics. Remember, the attention should be on the message and not your appearance.

For Men:

Be sure to pick out clothes that fit your frame, paying attention to sizes and colour combination Jackets and suits are better in dark colours. Shoes should be neat and in basic colours. Shoes and belts should match. Jewelleries should be minimal. 

• Do not drink alcohol or caffeine before your presentation.

Taking drinks with caffeine and alcohol contents before a public presentation may jeopardise your composure. It is therefore best to avoid these substances for at least, 24hours before your presentation so you would be in full control of your faculties. 

• Lose your self consciousness!

Before your presentation, take a deep breath and gradually release it. This will help to release the tension in your body. As you speak, forget about yourself and concentrate on the information you are passing across. With adequate preparation and practice, you should not have to worry about out-of-sync gestures and expressions. What you have rehearsed over and over would have become a part of you and so you should flow quite naturally. Do not forget to connect with your audience. Both visual and emotional connection with your audience is an essential part of your presentation.