Active Listening

 

Listening is as important as speaking in the communication process. Communication and connection has not taken place until both the speaker and the listener have the same understanding regarding the object of discussion. Listening is an art. It is a process of taking and processing verbal information from another source. Competent listening requires focused attention.

Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others, paying complete attention to the speaker. Active listening requires one to suspend his own frame of reference, judgement and evaluations of what is being said as well as other mental ruminations which may interfere with his ability to pay attention to the speaker.

What are the Elements of Active Listening?

Active listening is a method that requires the listener to understand, and respond to what they hear in order to foster mutual understanding. More often than not, people do not listen attentively to what is being said because they are distracted, pondering about other things, or thinking about how they are going to respond especially in conflict situations. The process of active listening involves:

• Comprehension: This is the first step in the listening process. Comprehension refers to the ability to grasp the meaning of something. In conversation, it refers to shared meaning between the speaker and the listener. The biggest challenge for the listener is accurately identifying and interpreting the meaning of words used in the context of the conversation. Ask questions on issues that require more clarification. The whole essence of the communication process will be lost if the listener does not understand most the information being passed across. If you need more explanation, ask the speaker to explain further, giving relevant examples if it will help.
• Retention: The ability to remember accurately, the details of what is being said is very important in conversation because the information we retain during the listening process helps to formulate the appropriate response to what is being said. Maximum retention takes place when you listen with your full attention on the speaker’s message.
• Feedback: Feedback is another important aspect of active listening, as listening is a two way process.  You could paraphrase what you have heard in order to be sure that what you heard is what the speaker really meant. Note that you do not necessarily have to agree with the speaker’s point of view. By paraphrasing, you are only restating the speaker’s words for the sake of confirmation. Restating what was said allows you to listen for unsaid words and underlying emotions especially in emotionally charged conversations. Thus, the listener may use the opportunity to acknowledge the emotions of the other person (anger, excitement, etc). Feedback could be given through verbal expression of t  houghts, comments and suggestion regarding what is being said. It could also take the form of other non verbal forms like nodding the head to signify agreement, or simply adjusting your body language to suit the mood of the conversation. Ask relevant questions to show that you are really listening to what is being said.

When practicing active listening,

Try not to make any evaluations or inferences about what is being said until the speaker is done, as your thoughts, whether positive or negative will most likely be visible to the other person(s) through your facial expressions.  Making judgement calls and inferences early about what is being said could shut down your listening early, preventing you from hearing important aspects of the what is being communicated. It’s best to keep your thoughts open, following the speaker as the conversation unwinds. 

Listen to the entire message before giving a response. This will let you hear everything that is being said. Cutting the speaker off with your own thoughts or letting your mind wander off to some other issues while the conversation is still on will take you away completely from the conversation. Besides, you would miss valuable information while your mind is busy with something totally unrelated to what is being said.

Showing a respectf
 ul understanding for the experiences of others is an important aspect of active listening. People tend to communicate clearly and more effectively when they feel that the listener understands what and how they feel. It is therefore crucial for the listener to show empathy for views of the speaker in order to facilitate free exchange of information.

Non verbal cues from the speaker may offer you more insight into what the speaker is trying to communicate as it has been affirmed that about 75% of communication takes place through non-verbal means. Listen beyond the words: Does the tone of voice match what is being said? Is the speaker’s posture relaxed or rigid? Is the verbal and non verbal communication consistent? Does he/she maintain eye contact?

Lastly, get rid of any form of distractions that may interfere with your conversation like a TV programme, an unfinished project, or a ringing cell phone. Do away with personal emotions during conversation. Ask questions and paraphrase back to the speaker to clarify understanding. Maintain appropriate eye contact.

Benefits of Active Listening:

Effective listening helps to get people to open up and say more, especially in situations where emotions are running high and people tend to get on the defensive and withdraw.

Active listening helps people to avoid misunderstandings and resolve conflicts faster as it involves accurate un
derst

 anding of what the other person has said.

The ability to practice active listening can improve interpersonal relationships as it fosters understanding and strengthens bonds.

In teams, active listening helps to strengthen cooperation among team members through improved communication and better understanding. Active listening fosters cooperation and builds trust due to the fact that it totally erases misunderstanding. People tend to respond favourably when they feel that the other person is positively attuned to their feelings.

Launch Out!

When you look back at the kind of life you have lived at the age of sixty, what would go through your mind: Regret or contentment? Both are possible depending on how you handle your affairs while you still have the opportunity to.

As easy as it may sound, it takes a lot of determination and hard work to chart your course in life. Swimming against the currents requires great strength and stamina (emotionally and physically), but that is not all. Perhaps the most important quality you would need is the ability to think and act proactively with the little you have. Rome was not built in a day. You will not become a success overnight. Being a successful person takes a lot of preparation and hard work. It will be foolhardy for one to spend all his time sleeping and dreaming of becoming a success in an examination without doing anything to prepare himself for that particular examination. In the same vein, a person hoping to be promoted into a managerial position without proactively equipping himself for that position will be doing himself a great disfavour. Lucky breaks hardly have anything to do with luck. It is usually a result of a prepared individual meeting with an opportunity he has been waiting for.

“He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap”

 It is futile to wait for ‘the perfect time’ as the perfect time may never come. Take proactive steps towards that life long dream of yours. Start with the little you have and channel it towards the direction of your dreams. Until you choose o launch yourself out, you just might not come across that perfect opportunity. It is difficult to convince people to invest in your dreams until you have proven that you could be trusted to profitably manage the little you have.

“For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath”.

Make use of your resourcefulness and initiative. Success is not all about physical cash and resources. Even if you have it all, you will need people to put them into productive use. This is why you have to build yourself a strong network of people who can be a positive influence on your life’s goals. Money does not grow legs. It is people that carry them around. Building and maintaining the right relationships will help you to achieve a considerable measure of success in business and career.

Wherever you end up in life remains your sole responsibility. History is fraught with stories of men and women who have risen from nothing to limelight through sheer determination and hard work.

To your success!

Finding the Balance

 

Work-life balance, a broad concept referring to the proper prioritizing between one’s career and other aspects of life (family, personal development, health) is perhaps the most important thing on the mind of the average career person as they try to allot the limited time they have to the various tasks and responsibilities that compete for their attention on a daily basis.

The premium on performance and the competitiveness of today’s work place has made it almost impossible for most people to maintain the healthy balance between career and life.

So, how does one find the balance?

There will never be a right time; you will have to create it.

Maintaining work-life balance starts with being proactive with your time. Proactively schedule your time so that you will be able to devote regular quality time to each aspect of your life, be it your health, spouse, children or even leisure. Leaving everything to chance is a total recipe for a disorganised life as your work demands can only get bigger (no ones prays for a demotion). Cut back on some demands that threaten your personal life – like working on weekends or prolonged business trips. Do away with time wasters like idle chatter, office gossips and other activities that drain your energy without adding value to you.

Lighten your schedule by delegating as much as you can. Create down time in your weekly schedule to accommodate other activities that help you relax and refresh.

Set your priorities

Defining your priorities is the main idea behind work-life balance.

First of all, you need to make a written list of all the things that are important in your life, and then arrange them in order of importance. This could range from higher academic pursuit to family, social life, recreation and health. Arrange these items on a numerical scale of one to ten, one being the most important. There are some items on your list whose allotted time will not be negotiable i.e. your job. The amount of time you would allot to your job is not negotiable because the work hours are usually fixed by employers. As a result, you would have to arrange every other activity on your priority list to fit in into the time you have left after work. For instance, things like leisure, doctor’s appointment, social calls and even academic study time will have to be crammed into your non working hours.

Knowing your priorities in life helps you to know where to focus most of your energy. If you fail in that one thing that tops your list, there is nothing else you can use to replace it. If you regard career success as the most important thing in your life for instance, success in the area of family will not fill the void in your life.

The big challenge here has to do with how to determine the amount of time to devote to each activity in order to live a healthy, balanced life. The answer lies in how much each of those activities mean to you as a person. For some, devoting all their free time to family gives them the ultimate satisfaction. For others, it could be golf or studies. Re-examining your priorities will let you know where to focus your energy in order to find the right balance in life.

Draw the boundaries

Finding the balance between work and life takes a lot of creativity and determination. It is very important that you clearly define the boundaries between your work and other areas of your life. Having clearly defined boundaries will let you have control over what happens where and when. You might have to clearly draw out a schedule and differentiate between work-time, family time, relaxation time and so on. You will be doing yourself a big disfavour if you allow yourself to be pulled in different directions as you might not be able to give your best.  On the other hand, success in one area alone will not make you a complete person. Therefore you have to find a way to juggle professionalism with parenthood as well as your social life and health without one encroaching on the other.

 Revisit your Mission statement

Perhaps, taking another look at your long lost Personal Mission Statement will bring you back to the reality of the life you are currently living. The reason why it is often advised that personal mission statements be regularly revisited is that it is possible for your mission statement to become obsolete as a result of environmental and circumstantial changes. If your mission statement was written years ago, it is possible that some of its elements are no longer in conformity with the times. Things have changed; you have evolved, hence, the need to rework the elements in order to accommodate your present state.

Your mission statement will let you know what your biggest priorities are. It will help you to focus on your life goal so that you do not get carried away with your ever growing work responsibilities.

A person who dedicates all his energy to work while neglecting other aspects of his life can only go on for a while. Virtually every aspects of life: health, intellectual development, family and even career needs to be nurtured on a regular basis. Failure to do this will leave one drained and empty, eventually void of those qualities needed to perform well in one's career.