Of Babies and Toys....

Riding the commercial bus to work one morning, my attention was drawn to a woman who sat two seats away from me. She wasn't different from most of the other occupants of the bus. The only thing that was peculiar about her was the fact that she carried two children on her lap: a boy and a girl. The way and manner in which this woman related with her children throughout the bus ride got me thinking about the way we (particularly women) treat our children.
The boy who was the younger of the two sat comfortably throughout the journey munching locally made puff-puff, occasionally caressed by his obviously loving mum, while making small conversation. The girl on the other hand, born of the same woman (the resemblance is too striking) sat uneasy, adjusting herself periodically to make sure her weight is not too much of a burden...but even her caution did not save her from her mother's wrath which was displayed on more than two occasions before the journey ended. She was reprimanded for reasons ranging from “sitting too comfortably" to "trying to join the small talk going on between her younger brother and the mum".


Both children were below the age of ten.

The boy was obviously being given preferential treatment.

Why is this?

Personally, I would conclude that when people have children before they are psychologically ready to be parents, there is the tendency for them to treat the children as Toys....you know just the way your 4.5Million Naira brand new car is a toy...only that it is an expensive one. So these children are treated as Toys....Living and Breathing Toys.


These Toys are bathed, fed, and played with just the way a child would take care her favorite toy (a Barbie doll).


The bad news, however, is that these toys do not remain the same. They increase in size and capability with every passing day.


Then one day, you wake up and realize that the little child not only has a will, but also has a personality! Kaboom!! Here comes trouble! My child is rebellious. My child is acting like a total stranger. I don't know what has gotten into him/her.

Let's go back to the very beginning. Despite civilization and globalization and other big terms that came with the modern age, majority of us Africans still have a special place in our hearts for male children (excluding me sha), and we tend to give them a preference over their female counterparts. This could mean that the girl gets punished for behaviours that the boys would ordinarily get away with. It could also mean that certain treats are reserved for the boys only....because boys are special. The girls get severely reprimanded when they try to express their personality because we see it as the beginning of rebellion (better yet, we see them as potential competitors). The boys on the other hand are praised and encouraged for trying to be a man when they express their personality.....unfair right?
Long term effect...

• the boys grow up with an exaggerated self confidence

• the girls grow up with a low self esteem

Generational effect...

• The girls become mothers who treat their daughters the same way their own mothers treated them

And it becomes an unending circle...pathetic isn't it?


On the other hand, when parents are adequately prepared for the challenges that come with parenthood, the question of preferential treatment does not come into the picture.


The key thing is being at peace with yourself before you bring another person into this world....end of story!