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This article is the first in a series that is aimed towards ensuring personal effectiveness. Personal effectiveness is something that begins on the inside. What we present to the outside world for people to see is only a tip of what we really are. It is not strange to find that some people just do not fit in wherever they go, not because they are not good at what they do, but because of certain personal traits that drives everyone around them crazy, and lowers people’s confidence in their ability. One of these traits is lack of integrity.
Integrity has been defined as the possession of firm principles: that is, the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards (Microsoft Encarta Dictionary, 2008). Another definition also says that it the quality of being honest and fair. Integrity makes people have confidence in you, even in the most hopeless of situations. It makes people defend you in your absence. Integrity is built on reputation, that is, what you have been known for over a period of time. It is not just about what you say, but what you do, especially when no one is watching.
The issue of personal integrity encompasses virtually every aspect of one’s personality and character. In this article, I am going to deal in part with the aspect that has to do with relationship with people.
- Never misrepresent the truth, even when you are tempted to do so.
The fact is you are bound to get caught sooner or later. By lying, you make the problem a part of the future when you could have put it behind you by dealing with it right away. People will not be able to completely trust you anymore once you have been caught in a lie. Why then would you want to stake your reputations on one little lie? It is not worth it, is it?
Half truths, white lie, play on words, tacit denial or simply misrepresenting the truth all fall in the same category: LIE! For you to be an effective liar, you will have to keep a journal of the lies you have told so you could defend them whenever they come up. But would you be able to do that? And even if you could, wouldn’t you rather do something productive with your time and energy? Think about it.
- Idle chatter? No! No!
This is a major time waster. Idle chatter never results in anything productive. When you talk about people behind their backs, you are setting yourself up for an unpleasant confrontation. Remember how you felt the last time you heard that someone made a snide comment about you in your absence? How was your relationship with them afterwards? What is your opinion of them?
The truth is, idle chatter not only wastes your precious limited time, but also puts a big dent on your integrity. If you have an issue with someone, why don’t you talk it over with them? Though they might find it a little uncomfortable initially, but they will hold you in high esteem for even having the courage to walk up to them.
Let your conversations be focused on achieving a particular goal. There is nothing wrong with keeping your mouth shut if you do not have anything meaningful to say. Shallow thoughts belittle you in the eyes of others.
Tip: next time you feel like discussing someone in their absence, stop and ask yourself these questions:
1. Would I be able to repeat what I am about to say in their presence word for word, without any embarrassment?
2. Would he/she be offended if they know that I am discussing them with a third person?
3. Am I sharing this information about them with another person because I am seeking for a solution to a particular problem?
4. Is this information I am about to share going to cause the other person embarrassment?
5. By sharing this information, would I be betraying someone’s trust and confidence?
If you would not engage in idle conversations, then it is only fair that you do not encourage friends and colleagues to bring you tales about others or to engage in such talks when you are around. When they come to you about such mindless talks, you could discourage them by asking them to confront the person directly.
- Be true to your word.
Making empty promises is one of the fastest ways to lose credibility with people. It is better not to promise at all than to fall short of what you promised. As the saying goes: Under Promise and Over Deliver! This way, you will reduce the chances of disappointing people. Everyone likes to be seen as reliable, so, regardless of the circumstances, DO NOT go back on your words. Be honest when you know that what is being demanded of you cannot be done. You might hurt people’s feelings in the short term but over time, they will learn to rely on whatever you say as the gospel truth.
- Timing is everything.
Keeping to time takes a lot of hard work and self discipline. Being punctual for meetings and appointments gives the impression that you are a serious minded person. If you are going to be late, call in advance to let the other person/group of persons know with genuine reasons. Punctuality shows seriousness and impresses others and yourself. It also puts you in a vantage position especially during business meetings or negotiations.
To be continued...
