TOWARDS PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS - Continuous Learning

Change is the only constant thing in this life. Right from the time we were born, change (both physical and mental) is one thing that has kept us relevant in the scheme of things. First, a child learns to mimic a smile before he learns what a smile really means. He giggles when he is exited. He makes cooing sounds when he is contented. He belches when he is full.....after nine to twelve months; he learns to walk….and afterwards, jump, run, dance etc. All these are fun for the child who is just discovering the beautiful world he was born into a short while ago. All these are also learning processes through which the child acquires skills he would need all through his lifetime.

It has been said that most people spend their adult life defending what they already know. That is the mistake a lot of people make as learning in reality never stops. Learning is a lifelong process which requires that we constantly shed or update (as the case may be) old information, beliefs and even lessons in order to embrace new ones. That is the only way anyone can remain relevant despite the passage of time.

As we grow older, we become more responsible for our own personal growth and development. The onus then falls on us to ensure that we acquire the right skills/information that will enable us to stay relevant in the new age. This goes beyond a new academic degree…as a matter of fact; degrees only contribute about 50% of the skills you need to stay relevant. Much of what you need can only be gotten outside of the classroom i.e:

i.                    Networking

ii.                  Books

iii.                Journals

iv.                 Training courses. Etc.

Do not misunderstand me. I am not insinuating that experience is important, neither am I encouraging you to do away with what you know is right. However, most of the knowledge we acquire today have a lifespan of about one year or less (given that we are in the information age). It therefore becomes imperative for anyone who wishes to remain relevant in this time and age to always be on the move in terms of learning.

You would find it surprising that the term backwardness and retrogression is no longer taken to mean that one is taking backwards steps. In contemporary times, it refers to anyone who is not taking a forward step. Normally, in a race, if you are not moving forward, you would remain on the same spot while others would have gone ahead. Hence when your situation is assessed alongside that of your peers who have gone ahead, you can be said to have retrogressed simply because you have not moved from the same spot. The same applies to our daily lives as you pursue your career, family, wealth, and other personal aspirations.

Remember, the key to relevance is to constantly learn and relearn, for the day we stop learning is the beginning of the end.

Have a great year ahead!

Of Babies and Toys....

Riding the commercial bus to work one morning, my attention was drawn to a woman who sat two seats away from me. She wasn't different from most of the other occupants of the bus. The only thing that was peculiar about her was the fact that she carried two children on her lap: a boy and a girl. The way and manner in which this woman related with her children throughout the bus ride got me thinking about the way we (particularly women) treat our children.
The boy who was the younger of the two sat comfortably throughout the journey munching locally made puff-puff, occasionally caressed by his obviously loving mum, while making small conversation. The girl on the other hand, born of the same woman (the resemblance is too striking) sat uneasy, adjusting herself periodically to make sure her weight is not too much of a burden...but even her caution did not save her from her mother's wrath which was displayed on more than two occasions before the journey ended. She was reprimanded for reasons ranging from “sitting too comfortably" to "trying to join the small talk going on between her younger brother and the mum".


Both children were below the age of ten.

The boy was obviously being given preferential treatment.

Why is this?

Personally, I would conclude that when people have children before they are psychologically ready to be parents, there is the tendency for them to treat the children as Toys....you know just the way your 4.5Million Naira brand new car is a toy...only that it is an expensive one. So these children are treated as Toys....Living and Breathing Toys.


These Toys are bathed, fed, and played with just the way a child would take care her favorite toy (a Barbie doll).


The bad news, however, is that these toys do not remain the same. They increase in size and capability with every passing day.


Then one day, you wake up and realize that the little child not only has a will, but also has a personality! Kaboom!! Here comes trouble! My child is rebellious. My child is acting like a total stranger. I don't know what has gotten into him/her.

Let's go back to the very beginning. Despite civilization and globalization and other big terms that came with the modern age, majority of us Africans still have a special place in our hearts for male children (excluding me sha), and we tend to give them a preference over their female counterparts. This could mean that the girl gets punished for behaviours that the boys would ordinarily get away with. It could also mean that certain treats are reserved for the boys only....because boys are special. The girls get severely reprimanded when they try to express their personality because we see it as the beginning of rebellion (better yet, we see them as potential competitors). The boys on the other hand are praised and encouraged for trying to be a man when they express their personality.....unfair right?
Long term effect...

• the boys grow up with an exaggerated self confidence

• the girls grow up with a low self esteem

Generational effect...

• The girls become mothers who treat their daughters the same way their own mothers treated them

And it becomes an unending circle...pathetic isn't it?


On the other hand, when parents are adequately prepared for the challenges that come with parenthood, the question of preferential treatment does not come into the picture.


The key thing is being at peace with yourself before you bring another person into this world....end of story!

Employee Retention Strategies

Retaining talented employees has become a major challenge for many organizations in recent times as a result of the fact that recent graduates on the average would apply to a large number of companies in order to increase their chances in the job market. This has led to employees abandoning their jobs for a better offer elsewhere after the company has incurred costs in training them.
No one is exempted from this challenge. Due to the competitive nature of today’s job market, it has become imperative for most organizations to devise strategies not only to attract but to retain Fresh Hires within the Company. To this end I have come up with these suggestions which I believe will help to prevent loss of talented employees as well as funds incurred in the process of acquiring and training them.

· Clearly Defined growth potential

People between the ages of 18 -30 are mostly motivated by growth potentials offered by their prospective employer. As such, the two key factors that will keep them on the job are financial reward and career potential within the company. At the initial stage, owing to the fact that they are just coming out of school, many talented graduates will settle for the first offer that come their way, but will keep looking for employment opportunities elsewhere if they feel that the company does not have much to offer them in terms of promotion and increase in earnings.

My recommendation would be that they are offered a clearly defined path for growth, both in career and earnings as they grow within the company. They could also be presented opportunities for personal development by recommending star performers for off-the-job training programmes designed to improve their skills and competence.
It is important to establish clearly stated methods of reward for exceptional performers and punishment for substandard performance. Awards and recognitions play a major role in employee motivation as it gives them a sense of belonging and makes them want to give their very best.
These will ensure that their jobs and financial future are secure and will check the threat of being poached away by companies with big names and long term reputation.

· Talent and Skill Utilization

Financial rewards aside, most talented people will prefer to work in a place where they know that their talent and skills will be put to optimal use. Financial rewards may keep them engaged for the first few years of their professional career but eventually they would settle for a work condition that allows them to do what they are passionate about.


As such, at the point of entry, it is important to match not only their educational qualifications but also skills, personality and talents to specific job roles within the organization. If they are happy doing what the company pays them to do, they would not feel that they are working for money. It would therefore take much more than a bigger salary package to poach them away from the company.

It is also crucial to put in place a framework that would enable employees to give their very best to the company. Such framework could include:

1. Freedom to speak freely to the appropriate authority regarding any issue that is bothering them within the work environment. This will enable the organization to prevent issues that could result in high employee turnover.
2. Clarity about what is expected of them: their Key Performance Indices should be explicitly defined as soon as they assume duty.
3. Quality supervision provided by their respective supervisors. This could include giving constructive criticisms when necessary.
4. Freedom to provide constructive feedback.
5. Recognition and respect for Trainees at all times.
6. A work condition that encourage employees to share ideas, complaints and contributions.
7. Opportunities for new Hires to regularly mingle with experienced staff in forums that encourage them to share knowledge and ideas e.g. training sessions, team activities, and presentations.
· Employee Mentorship Program

People leave supervisors and managers more often than they leave companies. As such, it is important to put in place an employee mentorship program that will facilitate a mutually beneficial working relationship between new employees and older members of staff within the company. A mentorship program will enable experienced staff to share their experience and knowledge with the younger ones. A mentorship program will give the junior staff a friendly resource where they can benefit from the coaching, guidance and encouragement the mentor will provide. It will give the them a sense of belonging, commitment and loyalty as it brings them closer to the organization. The mentorship program will also foster a better relationship among members of staff as the old ones will have the opportunity to cultivate new work relationships.

· Work – Life Balance

A work environment that allows people to spend quality time with their friends and family will motivate new Hires to stay with the company as employees. People also love to work in an environment where they can have fun occasionally.

To this end, I would recommend:
1. Strict adherence to stipulated work hours so that they can be properly rested and refreshed for the following work day.
2. Adherence to office traditions such as TGIF and birthday celebrations.


To your Success!

Towards Personal Effectiveness - Handling Toxic Relationships

Life is a web of relationships. It is hardly possible for anyone to achieve anything tangible in life without the help of other people. That is why we have to cherish and nurture the ones we have and go out of our way to cultivate new ones constantly in order to remain relevant in the scheme of things.
It is amazing how some people get themselves tangled in the web of some toxic relationship which destroy more that it adds to their lives, but yet, cannot get out because of the grip the other person has on them. Not all relationships are beneficial. Some are toxic from the onset while others become toxic somewhere along the line. One of the characteristics that mark out a toxic relationship is when you realize that you are no longer in control of your actions. This can be particularly appalling especially if the other person becomes dictatorial, threatening fire and brimstone whenever you try to do things your own way. There is a flipside to that however. If you realize that the person you are in a relationship with is hardly able to make any decision without involving you, you should beware! This could be a sign that this person:

• Lacks confidence in themselves, which means that they are going to be looking up to you most of the time for guidance and direction.

• Lacks a sense of security in themselves and everything they represent which make them want to cling to other people for emotional support.

• Has a habit of forcing themselves on people.

It is important to note that while you may think this person needs you in order to survive, every healthy human adult should have a certain degree of independence. One of the hallmarks of maturity is the ability to handle things like key decisions concerning issues that affect your life without external interference.
So how do you detach yourself from a toxic relationship?
There is no easy way to ease yourself out of a relationship that takes more than it gives you. However, it is advisable to start with subtle, non verbal hints which will let the other person know that you’ve had enough of their crap.
Have you tried the silent treatment? It works like magic, not without stirring up resentments though. Before you go ahead with the silent treatment, be sure that you really want to cut all ties – present and future – with the other party involved. Stop returning their calls. When they call, keep it as brief as possible. When they complain about your silence, let them know that you have been quite busy lately. Make them think you have extra workload at work; your boss has travelled out of the country and you have to fill in for her. With time, they will get used to not seeing and/or hearing from you.

Cut the privacy! People who tend to control others will most likely do it in private. If this is the case with you, ensure that this person no longer get the chance to have a private moment with you. Make sure that you surround yourself with as many people as possible. Whenever you have to meet with them, ensure that at least one more person is present. You should however have a readymade explanation for the other person’s presence so that it doesn’t look like you are trying to cut them off. Remember, the goal is to get this person off your back without letting them know what you are trying to do. As such, you have to be very subtle in your actions.

Stop being available! There is no better turn off for domineering persons than an ever busy schedule. If you are not available to them for a while, they’ll have to fill their time with something or someone else other than you, and that’s the truth! Make them realize that more responsibilities have been added to your work in the office, or that your boss travelled and you have to fill in for her. Better yet, you could hide under a family emergency which requires your immediate undivided attention. Whatever excuse you choose to give, do not make it look like you are trying to avoid them.
Last but not the least, get confrontational. I would recommend this only after you have tried the first three methods and they refused to get the message. Call them up on their controlling behaviour and let them know straight on that you want it to stop right away. This may be unpleasant but you will have to do it anyway.
Cheers!

Towards Personal Effectiveness II

The power of consistency

... It is not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It is what we do consistently – Anthony Robbins


The word consistency to the contemporary mind might readily be interpreted to mean rigidity, stagnancy and resistance to change. However, without consistency in one’s personal life, you might find yourself readily tossed here and there by the wind of different concepts that evolve on a daily basis. The key to remaining focused and achieving one’s life goals is being consistent in the underlying principles that shape your thoughts and beliefs.


Your Mission Statement will help you to focus on your goal in life. It is never too early and never too late to write one, that is, if you do not yet have one. In fact, the earlier you determine your life’s mission, the better, as it will help you to avoid living a life of trial and error. A standard personal mission statement should tell you where you ought to be in terms of career, relationship/family, social status, financial capacity etc at a particular point in time. It should also tell you what your ultimate life goal is; how you want to conclude your life. Mind you, your mission statement is not a rigid document. While it tells you where you should be and when, the question of ‘how’ is one that you can answer in more than one ways (depending on your level of creativity).


Establishing a Personal Identity for yourself early in life will help you to remain true to who you are irrespective of the time or circumstances. It all boils down to the same idea of living a principled life. Your personal identity should be established on a given set of life principles on which your thoughts and actions are anchored. For instance, if you believe in the principle of fairness (treating everyone with respect irrespective of their age, intellectual capacity or social status), you would not look down on those who are not as intelligent as you are – no matter how dumb they may act on certain occasions.


You can not be half here and half there. You have to understand importance of being in one place at a time, and standing for one thing in particular. You can not afford not to take sides. In any given situation, you must form an opinion, and be bold enough to make it known to everyone that cares to listen. Remember, the most important thing is for you to be consistent in your opinion in whatever given situation you are in, such that, over time, without having to ask you, people will be able to guess what your take will be on a particular situation. Consistency in words and actions builds a reputation for you and earns you respect with people. It makes people look up to you as a leader (provided your decisions are grounded on principles and not sentiments). Remember the popular saying: if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. If you do not have a ground to stand on, other people will use you to channel their own opinions (at your own detriment!).


Be careful not to contradict yourself because you can’t be somewhere where you are not. What ever it is you stand for, be sure to confidently defend it irrespective of the opinions of others. When you contradict yourself, people tend to lose faith and confidence in you, and might find it difficult to entrust you with responsibilities of any kind. Before you speak on any subject and/or issue, think twice about what you are about to say; about it’s impact and/or consequences on those concerned and the situation on ground. You need to be very sure before you open your mouth so that you don’t have to counter yourself later.


The constantly evolving world of the 21st century has made achieving one’s life goals seem like shooting at a moving target, which requires a high level alertness, swiftness as well as constant adaptation to the demands of the times. In achieving this, you have to be constantly on your feet, adapting your life’s mission statement to the demands of the times. Being grounded in solid principles will help you to maintain your identity irrespective of the time and season.