Get On The Right Bus (1)

......if you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.

In a bid to get to work on time, Zoey jumped onto the first available bust at the Bus Park. She had woken up 30 minutes later than usual that Monday morning and was certain that she would miss her 7.30am resumption deadline if she does not attach herself to a moving bus right away. She could not care less that the one she had boarded wold not take her normal route which was shorter and faster; all she wanted at that moment was to be on a moving bus!

45 minutes later, the driver announced that he would be turning back two stops away from her normal stop. Hence, she became stranded as she found herself in an unfamiliar environment. It took another 20 minutes to gather herself and locate another bus that would take her to where she was going, but at this point, she had lost so much time. She eventually arrived at work at 8.10am, and spent the rest of the day lamenting the woes that befell her that morning.

What went wrong? She boarded a bus on time, and yet was late to work.

In truth, she did everything right except that she that the bus she boarded was not the right one. A little more focus and patience would have gotten her to the office not only earlier, but more composed that morning!

In life, we often found ourselves in a hurry, perhaps because we suddenly wake up to realise that time had passed us by, and we need a lot of catching up to do. We are a few years behind the time we should have gotten married; we should have gotten a job 5 years earlier; we should have built that mansion 3 years back; we should have had that baby 6 years ago! Because of this time lag,, it is natural for us to want to rush things just to get to that destination we felt we should have been earlier, and so we accept anything that comes our way so long as there is a promise to get us there.

It is not a problem for anyone to run late. The question is “is the bus we’re on is going in the right direction?”.

At the beginning of this year, many of us wrote New Year resolutions as usual.

These resolutions represent the destination we intend to get to at the end of the year. But again, I ask; are you on the right bus,? Will the bus you’re on right now get you to that destination at the end of this year? Will your present actions and habits get you the desired results? What do you feed your mind with daily?

...to be continued.

TOWARDS PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS - Continuous Learning

Change is the only constant thing in this life. Right from the time we were born, change (both physical and mental) is one thing that has kept us relevant in the scheme of things. First, a child learns to mimic a smile before he learns what a smile really means. He giggles when he is exited. He makes cooing sounds when he is contented. He belches when he is full.....after nine to twelve months; he learns to walk….and afterwards, jump, run, dance etc. All these are fun for the child who is just discovering the beautiful world he was born into a short while ago. All these are also learning processes through which the child acquires skills he would need all through his lifetime.

It has been said that most people spend their adult life defending what they already know. That is the mistake a lot of people make as learning in reality never stops. Learning is a lifelong process which requires that we constantly shed or update (as the case may be) old information, beliefs and even lessons in order to embrace new ones. That is the only way anyone can remain relevant despite the passage of time.

As we grow older, we become more responsible for our own personal growth and development. The onus then falls on us to ensure that we acquire the right skills/information that will enable us to stay relevant in the new age. This goes beyond a new academic degree…as a matter of fact; degrees only contribute about 50% of the skills you need to stay relevant. Much of what you need can only be gotten outside of the classroom i.e:

i.                    Networking

ii.                  Books

iii.                Journals

iv.                 Training courses. Etc.

Do not misunderstand me. I am not insinuating that experience is important, neither am I encouraging you to do away with what you know is right. However, most of the knowledge we acquire today have a lifespan of about one year or less (given that we are in the information age). It therefore becomes imperative for anyone who wishes to remain relevant in this time and age to always be on the move in terms of learning.

You would find it surprising that the term backwardness and retrogression is no longer taken to mean that one is taking backwards steps. In contemporary times, it refers to anyone who is not taking a forward step. Normally, in a race, if you are not moving forward, you would remain on the same spot while others would have gone ahead. Hence when your situation is assessed alongside that of your peers who have gone ahead, you can be said to have retrogressed simply because you have not moved from the same spot. The same applies to our daily lives as you pursue your career, family, wealth, and other personal aspirations.

Remember, the key to relevance is to constantly learn and relearn, for the day we stop learning is the beginning of the end.

Have a great year ahead!

Of Babies and Toys....

Riding the commercial bus to work one morning, my attention was drawn to a woman who sat two seats away from me. She wasn't different from most of the other occupants of the bus. The only thing that was peculiar about her was the fact that she carried two children on her lap: a boy and a girl. The way and manner in which this woman related with her children throughout the bus ride got me thinking about the way we (particularly women) treat our children.
The boy who was the younger of the two sat comfortably throughout the journey munching locally made puff-puff, occasionally caressed by his obviously loving mum, while making small conversation. The girl on the other hand, born of the same woman (the resemblance is too striking) sat uneasy, adjusting herself periodically to make sure her weight is not too much of a burden...but even her caution did not save her from her mother's wrath which was displayed on more than two occasions before the journey ended. She was reprimanded for reasons ranging from “sitting too comfortably" to "trying to join the small talk going on between her younger brother and the mum".


Both children were below the age of ten.

The boy was obviously being given preferential treatment.

Why is this?

Personally, I would conclude that when people have children before they are psychologically ready to be parents, there is the tendency for them to treat the children as Toys....you know just the way your 4.5Million Naira brand new car is a toy...only that it is an expensive one. So these children are treated as Toys....Living and Breathing Toys.


These Toys are bathed, fed, and played with just the way a child would take care her favorite toy (a Barbie doll).


The bad news, however, is that these toys do not remain the same. They increase in size and capability with every passing day.


Then one day, you wake up and realize that the little child not only has a will, but also has a personality! Kaboom!! Here comes trouble! My child is rebellious. My child is acting like a total stranger. I don't know what has gotten into him/her.

Let's go back to the very beginning. Despite civilization and globalization and other big terms that came with the modern age, majority of us Africans still have a special place in our hearts for male children (excluding me sha), and we tend to give them a preference over their female counterparts. This could mean that the girl gets punished for behaviours that the boys would ordinarily get away with. It could also mean that certain treats are reserved for the boys only....because boys are special. The girls get severely reprimanded when they try to express their personality because we see it as the beginning of rebellion (better yet, we see them as potential competitors). The boys on the other hand are praised and encouraged for trying to be a man when they express their personality.....unfair right?
Long term effect...

• the boys grow up with an exaggerated self confidence

• the girls grow up with a low self esteem

Generational effect...

• The girls become mothers who treat their daughters the same way their own mothers treated them

And it becomes an unending circle...pathetic isn't it?


On the other hand, when parents are adequately prepared for the challenges that come with parenthood, the question of preferential treatment does not come into the picture.


The key thing is being at peace with yourself before you bring another person into this world....end of story!

Towards Personal Effectiveness II

The power of consistency

... It is not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It is what we do consistently – Anthony Robbins


The word consistency to the contemporary mind might readily be interpreted to mean rigidity, stagnancy and resistance to change. However, without consistency in one’s personal life, you might find yourself readily tossed here and there by the wind of different concepts that evolve on a daily basis. The key to remaining focused and achieving one’s life goals is being consistent in the underlying principles that shape your thoughts and beliefs.


Your Mission Statement will help you to focus on your goal in life. It is never too early and never too late to write one, that is, if you do not yet have one. In fact, the earlier you determine your life’s mission, the better, as it will help you to avoid living a life of trial and error. A standard personal mission statement should tell you where you ought to be in terms of career, relationship/family, social status, financial capacity etc at a particular point in time. It should also tell you what your ultimate life goal is; how you want to conclude your life. Mind you, your mission statement is not a rigid document. While it tells you where you should be and when, the question of ‘how’ is one that you can answer in more than one ways (depending on your level of creativity).


Establishing a Personal Identity for yourself early in life will help you to remain true to who you are irrespective of the time or circumstances. It all boils down to the same idea of living a principled life. Your personal identity should be established on a given set of life principles on which your thoughts and actions are anchored. For instance, if you believe in the principle of fairness (treating everyone with respect irrespective of their age, intellectual capacity or social status), you would not look down on those who are not as intelligent as you are – no matter how dumb they may act on certain occasions.


You can not be half here and half there. You have to understand importance of being in one place at a time, and standing for one thing in particular. You can not afford not to take sides. In any given situation, you must form an opinion, and be bold enough to make it known to everyone that cares to listen. Remember, the most important thing is for you to be consistent in your opinion in whatever given situation you are in, such that, over time, without having to ask you, people will be able to guess what your take will be on a particular situation. Consistency in words and actions builds a reputation for you and earns you respect with people. It makes people look up to you as a leader (provided your decisions are grounded on principles and not sentiments). Remember the popular saying: if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. If you do not have a ground to stand on, other people will use you to channel their own opinions (at your own detriment!).


Be careful not to contradict yourself because you can’t be somewhere where you are not. What ever it is you stand for, be sure to confidently defend it irrespective of the opinions of others. When you contradict yourself, people tend to lose faith and confidence in you, and might find it difficult to entrust you with responsibilities of any kind. Before you speak on any subject and/or issue, think twice about what you are about to say; about it’s impact and/or consequences on those concerned and the situation on ground. You need to be very sure before you open your mouth so that you don’t have to counter yourself later.


The constantly evolving world of the 21st century has made achieving one’s life goals seem like shooting at a moving target, which requires a high level alertness, swiftness as well as constant adaptation to the demands of the times. In achieving this, you have to be constantly on your feet, adapting your life’s mission statement to the demands of the times. Being grounded in solid principles will help you to maintain your identity irrespective of the time and season.