Broken Relationship? Get Over It! (2)

• Get busy!

Do not make a mistake idling away your free time. This is the time to engage your mind creatively as much as possible. Conventional wisdom holds that the best way to overcome an addiction is to replace it with another one (a positive one). It is time you rediscovered that one thing you have always been passionate about and pursue it with all your energy. Surround yourself with as many positive and like minded people as you can as this will keep you from sinking into further depression.

·         Get some fresh air

Do yourself some favour; do not take yourself out of circulation. Make new friends. Reconnect with old ones. Remember, life is a web of relationships. You will not go very far by isolating yourself from the rest of the world. Do not be ashamed to come out with your new status, no matter how ridiculous it may seem at first. The truth is life will always go on, no matter what happens.

·         Maintain a positive attitude

Find a reason to be thankful despite everything you have been through. Whatever does not kill you will only make you stronger. Now you can see things from a broader perspective because of your experience. Again, make sure that you do not harbour any iota of hate or regret in your heart because, while the hurt may have dealt you a big blow, the hate can do more as it fills you with thirst for revenge which can ultimately result in self destruction. Find a reason to happy with yourself. Set goals and congratulate yourself when you achieve them.

·         Give yourself a second chance

Everybody deserves one, and you are not an exception. There will always be a next time whether you believe it or not. Look on the bright side of life. Learn to love yourself unconditionally, and this means accepting yourself with all your faults and shortcomings. Loving yourself first puts you in a better position as it boosts your confidence and self esteem. It is easier to have a healthy relationship with someone who believes in his/herself than someone who looks to others to help them boost their confidence.

Bear in mind that building a relationship with someone takes a gradual process. Do not attempt to rush things. On the other hand, do not allow yourself to be rushed into anything you are not ready for. Get to know the person well enough before you make any form of commitment. Take your time: think, research, and pray hard about it if you have to.

Finally, you might want to give yourself some time off before you go into another relationship. People take time to heal and you cannot rush the process. If you go into another one too early, you might find yourself taking out your frustrations on your new partner, and this could be detrimental to your new relationship.

Cheers.

Broken Relationship? Get Over It! (1)

You’ve been through it and you’re hurting like hell. You did everything you could and yet, it did not end well.  Going through a breakup can awful. The truth is more people than you know have been through it. Yes, it hurts but you’ve got to let it all go and move on as if nothing ever happened because you would do yourself more harm than good if you carry leftovers from your previous relationship into the next one. Here are useful suggestions to help you get over that hurt.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

• Stop brooding over what went wrong

While it may be productive for you to reflect with the purpose of identifying what you or the other person did wrong, preoccupying yourself with the thought of what you lost can do more emotional damage than you can imagine. It will keep you wallowing in a past you’d rather forget and prevent you from moving into a future you’d rather have. Why should you cry over spilt milk? What’s done is done and there is nothing you can do to change it. Identify and learn from the mistakes you made and move forward. Work consciously on those areas of your personality that needs improvement.

• Let go of the past

Whether you choose to accept it or not, the past is what it is: – THE PAST. There is nothing you can say or do to bring it back. The best gift you can give yourself is to let it all go.

The first step to letting go is to forgive yourself and your ex. If you claim to have forgiven the other person while you still secretly hold yourself responsible for what went wrong, you have a long way to go. Forgiveness is a double edged sword. When you completely forgive someone, you absolve them of all the responsibility for the hurt they have caused you and you also let go of your pain. Forgiveness is not complete until you choose not to hurt anymore. You have to make a conscious effort towards it. It is at this point that you can say with assurance that you are free from your past.

Secondly, talking about your failed relationship with people of like minds who can offer you sound advices helps. You are not alone in your experience. There are a thousand and one people out there that have, and are still going through the same thing. Sharing your pain will lighten your burden and make you see things from a brighter perspective. Apart from the therapeutic effect that talking about it brings, they can also offer you insights on how to handle things better next time from their own personal experiences.

• Give yourself a facelift

While this suggestion might sound a little vain, it will go a long way to boost your self confidence and esteem. It will also increase your chances of hooking up faster.

Change your wardrobe. Buy yourself a new lipstick or a new pair of shoes. Change your perfume. Get a new haircut, change your hairstyle. This tends to reinforce in your subconscious that thing are different, that you are over it. It also tells everyone that cares to look that you have moved on.

• Concentrate on the future

The future holds greater things for you. You cannot afford to let one awful experience haunt you for the rest of your life. This might be a good time to revisit you personal mission statement and make the necessary adjustments. Set new goals for yourself. Polish up the old ones; make sure that they are in line with the times. Devote your focus and energy to the things that matter in your life – your professional development, academics, spiritual growth, and social network.